A weekly column by Peter Lawless; Business Growth Specialist and Coach to Entrepreneurs. peter@3r.ie
Children have a wonderful attitude to life. They wake up each day, happy and singing. To them each morning is a day to be savoured, things to do, adventures to have, life to be lived to the full.
However, on many occasions, their exuberance is firmly nailed on the head, by the yelled command to “shut up, and go back to bed”.
Did you realise that by the time you were 10, you were probably told “No” at least a million times. This frightening statistic is backed up by a lot of research.
Somehow, kids seem to bounce back, nearly all of the time. It takes a long time for them to get downtrodden. They keep on asking, and asking, they never seem to quit.
The funny thing is, that they actually won't take no for an answer. Eventually it takes its toll, and these kids become adults, they actually start believing they can't do things.
Top of most people's list of fears, is actually the fear of public speaking and going to parties where they do not know anyone. Natural shyness, you may think! In fact the real reason is again parents and teachers, in their attempts to protect their children.
You all remember the phrase “Don't talk to strangers”. Good advice, but unfortunately unqualified. This leaks into our sub-conscious mind and surfaces again in adulthood, when faced with strangers!
Do you see the subtle difference in the phrase, “You should only speak with people that Mummy or Daddy know or introduce you to”?
How to overcome prejudice
In fact most of us as kids, throughout or childhood end up taking so much crap; we learn how to settle for second best. In most cases this is not done intentionally.
However if they do not conform to the supposed norm, their life can be made pretty miserable by certain groups of people.
People seem to get a kick from making fun of people who are different to themselves. I believe that people do that because of their own insecurities. Many people find it easier to make themselves feel better by tearing others down than it is to reach out and help another person.
Unfortunately, in a society like Ireland , where immigration is a new thing in the last decade, there are many people, who view foreigners as different. And thus in many cases, you either get made fun of or indeed get taken advantage of in the workplace.
The person who can actually step out of their own body, and see the interaction for what it is, and actually feel pity for the aggressor, will end up stronger. Taking taunts and crap from people, personally, will make both of you weaker.
The goods news is that years of negativity, can be quickly wiped out, and you can create a powerful confidence in yourself. This will enable you, not only to rise above the crap, but will provide you with the tools to truly succeed.
7 ways to increase your self confidence.
• Learn to love your self – We all have some great qualities, since we are all unique on this planet. Search within yourself, to locate what it is about you that is different. Then decide how you can use it positively. What ever the talents we have, it is vital that we use and appreciate them. Then and only then can we begin to grow.
• Smile at People - It is a known fact that 99% of people, when they see someone smiling at them, smile back. It is said that a smile costs nothing to give, and yet is hugely valued by the receiver. So each time you give a smile, you will get one in return, just imagine what 10 people smiling at you today, would do for your confidence!
• Smile at yourself – I am not suggesting that you spend hours in front of the bathroom mirror, telling yourself how absolutely gorgeous you are! However in the mornings, do look yourself straight in the eye, smile at yourself, and give yourself some compliment. If you can't say nice things to your self, you should not expect others to!
• Set a small goal that pushes you a little everyday – Pick anything that might be just a little difficult, just for today. Prove to yourself that you can do it, and it will boost your self esteem, and as a result your confidence will definitely grow.
• Take up a sport – Social interaction when you are all playing some sport is a fun way to meet people. The more social interaction you engage in with people outside your immediate group, the more confident you will become.
• Learn a new skill – Whether it is a full time course in nuclear physics, or learning how to knit at night. Expanding your horizons, will also expand your future possibilities. The more that you can do, the more your confidence will blossom.
• Learn to speak English fluently – Not being able to communicate with others effectively can make life difficult. At all costs, and I really mean it; make yourself fluent at speaking English. It will dramatically increase your chances of getting a decent job, better pay and a shot at a fulfilling career.
Follow these steps, do at least 2 to 3 each and every day, and I guarantee your friends and colleagues will start to see a remarkable difference in you.
You will start to feel so much more confident inside; you will take pride in what you do. Most importantly, you will have the confidence and belief in yourself, to stand up for your rights and stop taking crap!
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