Everybody has a light switch inside of them that turns them from dark to light; in fact we have many triggers. Knowing yourself is the most important form of knowledge that any individual can possess.
Yet so few of us can even scratch the surface in relation to what we are about.
If we truly knew ourselves we would be able to use our minds and bodies as tools to manufacture our success as surely as a tractor and plough prepare a field for the sowing of a crop.
So how can we find out who we truly are and what turns us on and propels us towards the actions required to lead a happy and fulfilling life.
Last week I asked you to write down your story. This is really your history. Now we are going to look at what matters to you or as some people might put it, what are your core values?
Each of us has our own set of values, the belief system that tends to make us act the way we do. For many of us these are hidden, lying deep in our sub conscious. On occasions, people with seemingly irrational fears visit hypnotherapists or shrinks, who take us back into our past to find the root cause of our fear.
Fear can actually be defined as False Emotions Appearing Real. The exact same can be held of our belief or value system.
Now I can tell you to, do these exercises to find your true values, only you will know the true benefits of knowing exactly who you are and what you really want out of life.
Our values come from many different places. Some come directly from our parents, others from school, religion, politics, culture and the workplace. Amazingly though, just as though we may inherit genes from our parents, we are still unique and as such each of us has unique thoughts and therefore a unique set of values.
As we grow and mature and experience a more varied and diverse set of circumstances in our lives our values grow and indeed change.
The ultimate value change is in a person who wholeheartedly believes that they should never kill another human being. And then that same person is confronted with a situation whereby the only way of saving their child's life is to take another. I doubt that many of you would sit and ponder the philosophical consequences of their actions before saving their child!
An other example might be where by one of your core values is integrity and honesty. You may carry this through to the way you bring up your children and therefore would never lie to them. How then do you explain Santa to a 5 year old?
In addition, we may hold many values as superficial. We seemingly believe things that we feel others want us to believe. The classic example might be the son of a surgeon, who may feel that they have to follow in their father's footsteps. They actually end up believing that they will get satisfaction from being a surgeon – when they really want to join a rock band.
Unfortunately, one of the inherent abilities of a surgeon, known as tweezer dexterity or the ability to manipulate small instruments is a hereditary ability passed down by the mother!
So no matter what it is we hold true and dear, there will always be exceptions to every rule. What I am asking you to do is to try and place your self in normal circumstances as you go through the following exercise to determine, what your basic beliefs and desires are that determine what actually turns you on.
How do we find what turns us on?
In a previous article, I mentioned that it was important to live life in balance. I discussed our life's 5 point star, namely; - Finances – Wealth and Prosperity
- Relationships – Family and Friends
- Career – Work
- Health – Mind and Body
- Leisure – Sport and Pastime
For each of these I am going to give you a suggested list of values. These lists are by no means exhaustive and please feel free to subtract or add to them. What is important however is that you order these lists by sorting them by importance to you.
With ten values in each list, that means there are over 3.6 million combinations for each list – and there are 5 lists – so the chances of you getting the same as any one else is quite remote.
If you are going to do these with a significant other, please do them separately and then compare notes. I am also not liable for any serious disputes, however, that may arise!
How to determine your Core values
Take a look at each list and start with the first one and ask your self, which is more important to you that one or the next one. If we are to take the Finance list below, the questions would be – “which is more important to you, always making lots of money or having millions in the bank?”
If you had the “Making lots of money”, you would then compare that to the next one “Own what ever you want”
Which ever value, “wins” the last importance test, having gone down through the whole list, will rank as your top value in relation to that list.
You put that as number one, and then continue with the second and so on. When you are finished, you will have a list, in order of importance of the hierarchy of your values.
The Finance List of values
What does money mean to you? What is important about Money? Are you more interested in getting rich or do you just want enough money so that you are never poor again.
Mother Therese and Bill Gates would have different values in respect of money. They both however have used their beliefs and values to do a massive amount for mankind. - Always making lots of money
- Have millions in the bank
- Own what ever you want
- Freedom
- Status
- Security
- Never be poor
- Fame
- Philanthropy
- Remove Money Worries
The Relationship List of Values
This list can be further subdivided if you so wish into; Family, Partner and Friends.
What do you look for in another person? For some people looks are the most important factor, while for others of you may wish to be with someone who loves you with all their heart.
Only you will know which values are the most important in a relationship. You may not even be sure until you do this hard test and ask yourself questions such as;
“If I met the most beautiful woman in the world, who appeared to love me, but I felt I could not trust her, would I remain with her” if the answer to that question is “no”, then you value “trust” above “attractiveness”! - Honesty
- Love
- Friendship
- Trust
- Attractiveness
- Passion
- Spirituality
- Supportive
- Appreciative
- Sincere
The Health List of Values
Why would anyone want to be healthy? I don't really know the answer for anyone, but I am interested on your behalf in your answer about You.
Looking good, sculpted in the gymnasium, you stroll down the beach to the appreciative looks of all the guys – smoking a cigarette! That may not be you, so why don't you smoke, are you afraid of dying, would that be a greater reason not to smoke than the loss of energy? - Fit Body
- Fit Mind
- Long life
- Feel Good
- Look good
- Avoid Sickness
- Energy
- Weight Control
- Sport
- Fear of Death
The Career List of Values
So what do you really want from your work. Do you need to be passionate about what you do, or would you be happy in an environment where you work nine to five, the pension is secure and you never have any real worries about losing your job?
Or do you want to risk it all, move to a new country and do something that not only challenges but gives you a chance of becoming unbelievably wealthy? - Achievement
- Wealth
- Satisfaction
- Power
- Structure
- Challenge
- Fear of Failure
- Recognition
- Predictability
- Vocation
The Leisure List of Values
So what do you really want to do with your time off? Some incredibly lucky people feel that their work is actually their play?
Are you a highly competitive person, who needs to go out there and win, or are you quite happy curled up with a book, learning how the kangaroo evolved with a pouch? - Competition
- Relaxation
- Exhilaration
- Learning
- Escapism
- Helpfulness
- Creativity
- Companionship
- Conquer fears
- Knowledge
When you understand precisely who you are you will finally be in a position to remove yourself from the maelstrom of indifference that so many people exist in.
When we know who we are, we are able to understand what it is that we really want. Then and only then can we start setting the path to our true success and fulfilment that every person deserves and so few attain.
Who ever you discover you to be, I would be really appreciative if you could be authentic with yourself. At 3am in the morning, when you look in the mirror, is the person who looks back for real. Only you will know or indeed care.
Peter Lawless is founder of 3R Sales and Marketing, www.3r.ie, he has managed, coached and mentored thousands of people in the last 20 years. You can contact Peter for any employment/career issue or advice by writing to Peter Lawless, Metro Eireann, 213 North Circular Road, Dublin 7. Fax: 01 8689142. Email: peter@3r.ie
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