It has been said that when life deals you a lemon, pause for a while and then make lemonade from it. To put it another way, there is an opportunity hiding in every problem that we face.
We all go through down periods, times when it seems that nothing seems to work out for us. This could be as a result of a number of reasons such as losing a loved one through either death or break-up, losing your job, being broke, missing out on an opportunity or even something that may seem insignificant to others that weighs heavily on your mind.
Has this ever happened to you in the past? Did you survive and are you still here to tell the tale. However painful something may seem to be in the present, in time it will be relegated to memory.
How you deal with the situation at the time will ultimately influence your recovery and bounce-back in either a positive or negative fashion.
How not to deal with problems!
I do not normally emphasis the negative, since I believe that positive action will always surpass running from negatives. However in some instances it is important to understand what will happen if we don't deal with things and let them get in on top of us.
The most severe outcome of letting a situation get in on us is to become depressed, at least we will end up being stressed and irritable.
Letting stress get to us as well as having serious health consequences can lead to depression. Stress can actually help us if used in a positive and constructive manner.
In all situations that lead to fear, we produce a hormone known as adrenaline. Adrenaline boosts our body's fight or flee response. Used correctly the positive flow of energy can be directed to help us conquer the situation and indeed be better off for the experience.
Not all stressed or depressed people share the same symptoms. Some people exhibit many symptoms, others only a few. Here are some of them: - sad appearance, slow movements, and an unkempt look
- guilt and low self-esteem
- negative thoughts
- reduced activity
- reduced ability to concentrate
- avoiding people
- physical problems: weight loss or gain, trouble sleeping, headaches, and decreased interest in sex
- suicidal thoughts
Do you really want to feel like this? While it may not seem apparent at the time, but actually understanding what could end up happening to you is very important. If you continue in this mode, as a reaction to something bad happening to you, in extreme cases it could lead to; - Loss of your family
- Loss of your home
- Severe health problems
- An inability to face up to realities
- A fear of rejection which could paralyse you from taking the positive steps you need to take to ensure your own personal happiness in the future in your loves, career, health, leisure and finances.
So before you let yourself slide down this spiral, ask yourself the following questions; - Do I really want to change?
- What benefits do I get from depression?
- Do I really want to feel and live this way for the rest of my life?
How you can deal with the issue right now
No matter what it is that has happened, it is so, so important that you deal with the situation as soon as possible. The longer that you let the mental baggage weigh you down, the more difficult it will be to shift later. - Get back up on the horse – They say when one falls off a horse you should get straight back up. Now I am not telling you if you just finished with or lost a loved one, go out and find a replacement – that is what is known as rebounding. It might be a help to do something that reminds you of them. I don't know what your thing is, for me on one occasion it was watching a certain TV program we both liked with candles burning. It helps the pain go away and you feel a positive warmth flow over you as you remember the fond times you had together. Beats the hell out of feeling sad and bitter!
- Let out your feelings – what ever the issue, sometimes we feel just plain pissed off. That is ok just make sure you vent your feelings. If it is anger, one of the best ways is to go to a private place, your car on the top of a mountain can be good and then just let rip and scream your head off. It can really help especially if you can not do anything immediately about something like being passed over for promotion. At least it will get you back in the frame of mind to make the right choices to move forward with.
- Deal with the issue – It is not for me to tell you not to let it fester. Facing up to any situation no matter how tough it may seem at the time, will at least give you the ability to actually gather the facts. Once you know exactly where you are, you have a very good chance of knowing which direction to go in to improve upon the situation.
- Forgive any person related to how you feel – this is probably one of the most important actions and can take a huge amount of discipline to achieve. Personal emotion can cause to huge amounts of stress and indeed depression. Focusing externally on another person with bitter feelings can misdirect you from positive action required to deal with and repair the situation. In reality people who may cause you pain do t do so deliberately unless you have given them a very good reason to.
- Get busy on activities you enjoyed before. Do not cut yourself off from family and friends. Attend events with others even if you do not feel like talking or going out.
- Watch your diet. Eat healthy foods to keep your energy level high. The more energy that you have the less chance you have of succumbing to illness.
- Read. Many self-help books and pamphlets are available to help you understand your emotions and overcome problem areas in your life.
- Learn how to best relax yourself - Meditation and breathing exercises have been proven to be very effective in controlling stress. Practice clearing your mind of disturbing thoughts.
- Remove yourself from the stressful situation - Give yourself a break if only for a few moments daily Set realistic goals for yourself.
- Reduce the number of events going on in your life and you may reduce the circuit overload. Try to prioritize a few truly important things and let the rest slide. Don't overwhelm yourself by fretting about your entire workload. Handle each task as it comes, or selectively deal with matters in some priority
- Selectively change the way you react - but not too much at one time. Focus on one troublesome thing and manage your reactions to it/him/her Change the way you see things. Learn to recognize stress for what it is. Increase your body's feedback and make stress self-regulating
- Avoid extreme reactions - why hate when a little dislike will do? Why generate anxiety when you can be nervous? Why rage when anger will do the job? Why be depressed when you can just be sad? Do something for others to help get your mind off your self.
- Stay active. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Work off stress with physical activity, whether it's jogging, tennis, gardening or any leisure. Get enough sleep - Lack of rest just aggravates stress. Too much time spent in bed or moping around can however lead to increased levels of depression. Like all things try to maintain a healthy balance.
- Try to "use" stress - if you can't fight what's bothering you and you can't flee from it, flow with it and try to use it in a productive way.
Don't take it personally try to view the situation as though the even had occurred to someone else. What advice would you give them in this situation? Try taking some of that advice yourself, you never know it may be the best advice that you ever took, if you remove personal emotions from it.
Now, I am sure that not all of these actions will apply directly to your situation. Indeed you may be one of those lucky people who have never courted disaster!
Be a phoenix!
The phoenix is a mythical bird that dies in fire yet is reborn stronger from the ashes.
In previous articles I have always mentioned that it is only a failure if you fail to learn from your errors. To put another way; every experience we have on this earth can be treated as a learning experience.
It is way better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. It is better to have tried and failed that to not have tried at all.
Grab life by the horns, at least while you are holding on to the horns, life can not maul you and you could even enjoy the ride!
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