A weekly column by Peter Lawless; Business Growth Specialist and Coach to Entrepreneurs. peter@3r.ie
I don't know if you believe that it is important, to let go of the past so that you can have a future, only you will know how the truth in that statement applies to you.
It is also vitally important that you go through these articles because you believe you want to change your life for the better and not because you believe you have to. Our belief system is our greatest ally in all that we do.
Unfortunately our belief system can also be the greatest obstacle to our success, happiness and chances of leading a fulfilling life.
Our beliefs cause us to filter information that is presented to us, in such a way as to mould the current thought or event into something that we recognise or accept. As I said the acceptance can be a good or bad thing.
The most important aspect of a belief is that it is firmly rooted in our past experience and it can either serve us in a positive way or it can limit us from reaching our true potential.
What Shapes our Beliefs?
The person you are today is a combination of your genetic makeup, your experiences and how you reacted to your experiences. The only thing that I know for definite about you is that you can not in any way change your past.
You can however change how your past affects you today and in the future.
Our current belief system is created from 4 predominant factors;
Our environment – If you for example are born in an environment where poverty, violence and a feeling of worthlessness is the norm, there is a good chance that, in normal circumstances, you would find it difficult to think of yourself as being a success.
If on the other hand, you were brought into this world where you are surrounded by success the chances are you will feel that there is not much you can't achieve.
This is because our belief system is being constantly reinforced by what we experience in our every day lives. The nurturing and examples that we receive from our parents is an essential element in what we end up believing is possible.
Children who grow up in violent homes often end up in violent families when they are adults either as aggressor or victim. Because of past experiences and beliefs that are continuously emphasised, people can often mistake abnormal behaviours as normal, because they know no different.
Recognising that our environment was not ideal to foster positive beliefs in ourselves, our self worth and our potential is the first step. Then we can finally leave that part of our past behind as we reshape our beliefs to normality and indeed success oriented behaviours.
Past Events – Things that happen to us, people who are close to us or even people who are famous can have a dramatic impact on our lives.
Our greatest fears generally come from something we see or hear or experience. For example, some people may have had a frightening experience with water and they are now afraid to swim again in the deep end.
The good news is that all fears can be as easily overcome as they were created.
Can you imagine yourself immediately before you had the fright? At that point you were not afraid. Then some event took place and even though you are still alive to tell the tale, you now have your fear because of that event.
Most people, and I don't know if you are one of them, can go back and live that experience again, the before and after. They can then decide, if they so wish, not to have that fear ever again.
What if you decided right now, in retrospect, to learn from that event? Now you would know how to avoid the exact same circumstances that led to it and actually not be afraid again!
You see nothing actually changed in your brain – just a new belief. In the same way that the belief that led to the fear was created, it can also be erased.
While external events can affect us in varying ways, the events that we create ourselves can have the most phenomenal impact of all.
Can you remember the first time that you truly succeeded at something? Most people can remember when they first rode their bicycle. You went from “I can't, I can't, I won't” to “I did it I am riding” you then probably fell off, but you were so happy, you didn't even feel it.
And I bet you can still ride your bike today. You went from I can't to I can in an instant.
What you Know – have you ever looked into a child's eyes as they tell you with unshaken belief about how Santa actually did come down their chimney last night and how he actually remembered to bring that magical present they had written to him asking for?
You see – Kids know that Santa is real!
Often our reality or beliefs can be shaped by what we believe to be true. Our mental diet is as important as our physical diet. What we feed our minds with will have a direct correlation as to how we think.
If you constantly seek to learn new ideas and gain an understanding of how successful people succeeded in their lives, you will have a much better chance of success in your life.
There is a great story I once heard of a young woman, who when she got married prepared her husband one of her mother's favourite dishes. The dish was a roast joint of meat tenderised with a special combination of herbs and spices.
When this succulent meal was served up, although the husband loved it and said so, he was curious as to why the ends of the joint had been cut off before cooking.
Upon asking his wife this, he was told that it was because that was how her Mum had done it. On one occasion he was at her Mum's house and upon receiving the same dish, the answer from her Mum, was the same – because her Mum's Mum had done it that way.
The mystery may have remained one for ever had the young wife's grand mother not still been alive. When questioned in the same vein, she replied “When I first got married I had the same recipe, but we were so poor, we could not find a roasting dish large enough for the joint of meat, so I used to cut the ends off, to fit the joint in and save the ends for another day”
Just because it has always been a certain way, does not mean it is right.
As humans we are granted a free will to question and learn about everything we wish. Do so if you really want improve your knowledge and gain new insights as to how you can get more from life.
Past results – If you have succeeded once you will probably succeed again. Unfortunately our belief system is frail enough to believe that if we have failed, we will fail again.
In the film “Home alone 2” the bird women tells Macaulay Culkin that she had loved and lost and that her heart is broken. The boy in his wonderful innocent way, turned to her and asked “how do you know it is broken if you have not tried to use it again?”
When Thomas Edison failed to make a light bulb for the 9,999 th time, he is said to have remarked that he now knows 9,999 ways NOT to make a light bulb and that he must be closer to getting it right. He was and he did succeed as we know today.
A mistake or bad experience is only a failure if we fail to learn from it. Leave your past results behind you as you learn not to make the same mistake again and try a different way for the result you wanted then. You have a better chance of succeeding now with you what you have learnt.
Change you belief system today.
Just as we saw how our beliefs are shaped either through repetition or in a single life changing moment, we can actually shape our future beliefs by the way we think.
Once we know what it is that we want, it is easy to create a sate of mind that will enable us to get there.
The most powerful thoughts that we can create in our imagination are a combination of the senses. In order to change how we view our future we need to imagine a scene where we are seeing, hearing and feeling how the new person that we are to become in the future would act.
The more dramatic the picture, accompanied by action, is the more likely it is to stick in our consciousness.
Create a mini film, where you are the principle actor. Replay the success that the actor, who is you, enjoys.
The more you run that film through your conscious, the more it will become embedded in your subconscious. Soon you will start believing that you are that person and will start acting the way that person would act.
That person will be the new successful you, the person who has used their past to leapfrog into the future that they truly, passionately wanted.
Decide to live in the past and stay the same or reach out into the future and grab a chunk of the life you deserve.
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